WHATEVER IT TAKES MY CHILD! Have you lost a child? Or someone close to you? Are you struggling with life in general? Do you need somewhere to express yourself?

Book in progress…Under construction

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Let’s write this together.

Chapter one 1.

RUBY

So it was on that winter night that it hit Ruby (because thats how it always starts in the movies, isn’t it?).

With Ruby’s heavy heart and stomach full of knots, it was in that moment that something had entered her soul, compelling her to want to succeed more than ever before.

Ruby was a strong independent woman, who didn’t want to be told how to do anything. Ruby wouldn’t read instructions (she was the type of person that would have to work it out herself). Ruby quickly learned things for herself and gained the knowledge to thrive in life and in turn teach others.

Ruby lived in a small country town with the dream of moving to the big smoke, where her dreams at success would flourish and she would become a well regarded member of the community in which influenced others, and others would seek solace in her advice.

For many years Ruby worked hard, day in and day out supporting her children, paying for all the daily costs endured in having to raise children in a world that demanded so much of children and parents.

Ruby continually questioned if she was doing the right thing and making the right choices in life?. There was no one to answer this, or a guide that would lead her to her decisions. Ruby would find herself making the most out of what she had.

Ruby continued each day going about her busy schedule as best that she possibly could, and with the only knowledge of which she carried. Ruby was driven to go about living and achieving the life she really wanted, and in turn make herself a better person.

Ruby found throughout her life, that many circumstances and events that had occurred in her life, were what had shaped the way she was now seeing life. It had also impacted the choices she had made in the past and had paved a pathway for her to become something different in the future.

Ruby was once told “you are here to do big things Ruby”, “you have been put on this earth for a particular reason”. Ruby often pondered this message and would often go back to this moment and reflect whenever she was coming to a cross roads in her life, she would wonder what this meant?

Ruby knew that people don’t always carry themselves in the most appropriate or correct way possible, but it was the future and the person they became afterwards that mattered most of all. This is what she wanted for herself and would work to help others achieve.

Ruby continually dreaming of a love that complimented her person, was what made Ruby find comfort in her sleep.

Ruby would wake every day; in the same routine.

Waking to the sound of a loud alarm, turning it off several times before finding her feet, and heading out to wake up her children.

Feeling the cold in this small town and switching on the heater, was a regular routine each morning to take the chill off the air.

Getting her children ready for school was always a mammoth effort “what will it cost me today? Is there something that i didn’t pay for?”.

Ruby hoped each day that someone wouldn’t throw a spanner into her routine, disrupting everything (like that unexpected electricity bill that you didn’t budget for).

Organising school lunches, preparing breakfast and drying clothes, “Hurry up and get out of the shower”, Ruby would shout to the children; (banging on the door several times to awaken them from falling back to sleep). They would protest and squirm, eventually peeling themselves out and into the world awaiting.

All while Ruby was also busy getting herself showered and dressed and prepared for the working day ahead.

Ruby found her children often dragging their feet and not wanting to go to school, “don’t do this again” Ruby thought, “just get ready please” she pleaded each morning.

Until her son Josh would cheekily suggest that “he was too sick to go to school today”, Ruby knew this wasn’t true and would often wonder “why do they do this to me?”, “Can’t they see I’m busy and i cant take time off work?”, “I’m doing this for them”, Ruby would always ponder under her breath.

On the odd occasion Ruby would shed a tear away from her children, then compose herself, take a deep breath and continue to carry on.

However on this particular day, Ruby did stop in the shower, and wondered “what would happen if the children were really sick?” and “what if I couldn’t go to work?”, “What if i couldn’t earn money to support them?” and “What if i was sick and couldn’t care for the them?”. What would Ruby do? She felt so alone and did everything in her power to make sure these things didn’t happen.

Ruby didn’t realise this was preparation for what was coming.

Each morning, Ruby would later sit in her car waiting for all her children to come out and get in her newly purchased car. Ruby was proud of the purchase she had made on her own, and this gave her strength at the thought of the steps she continued to make to live a comfortable life on her own with her children.

“Are we ready to go now?” She would sternly ask the children once they were all in the car. (the same as they did everyday).

Driving on auto pilot, Ruby would often miss the turn off at school and or forget the speed limit change, and quickly needing to wake up and remember what she was doing or even where she was going. Ruby yawned and thought about curling back up in bed, in peace and quite, but work awaited and on she continued.

Ruby had established a great career amongst people she respected and valued, Ruby was learning so much more than she could have ever have imagined, and continued to use these skills to better herself and improve her own personal life.

Driving to work each day, Ruby found herself thinking about many things. (many an idea or problem was solved on that car trip to work). Ruby often pulling over to take notes or send messages before she forgot what it was she was thinking. Ruby wondering why she did this? Then realising that this “alone time” was precious and rarely available and to keep on top of everything she did, this is what she needed to do. “So I must use every minute i can, to do whats required of me”.

Ruby would also often ask herself “will today be any different? What will today bring?”, “will there be another hurdle to over come? Or maybe another pain to bear?”, or maybe today would be the day that she would smile and hear a joke that will light up the day. She would carry on and await the adventures that laid ahead that day.

Ruby built relationships and formed many friendships throughout her years working. Making her feel she was succeeding and making a difference in the world. Ruby being on her own and having to face the burdens of daily living as well, gave her the benefit of understanding the needs of others and what they also wanted in life.

But Ruby didn’t always agree or want to work within other peoples boundaries, Ruby often argued and voiced her opinion. She often feeling that no one was listening to her and so she thought, “people just don’t see what I’m saying, or have trust in what i know”, Ruby often felt deflated and under valued.

Ruby soon learnt a-lot about herself within her new found career. She found herself being able to do things on a different level and in different ways to others. This method was a more physical way (doing), rather than talking and having to explain things in words. Ruby felt this method worked better and had more success. Ruby often wondered if this is why she struggled so often at school, in her younger years?

Ruby had her own opinions and life experiences, and knew that other people were also set in their ways. This becoming the barrier to understanding people and the way they operate. Ruby along with other people needed to work in a manner in which suited her way of processing and understanding.

Ruby’s values and techniques eventually became something others admired and respected but couldn’t understand, Ruby got things done, was extremely strong in her will and did did everything she put her mind to. She taught independence to children and ensured they could always survive on their own, when and if they needed to.

Ruby also day dreamed a-lot, and would often appear to not be listening to others, (which was often true). But Ruby always believed she knew best and would have the answer. So Ruby would go away and ponder her take on the discussions with others until anxiety would overcome her.

Ruby would mostly look to the future and never really looked back. In doing this kept her stronger and more in control.

Ruby loved a challenge and would always ensure that she proved others wrong. Ruby craved this satisfaction and it gave her wings to thrive. Ruby wanted to become the most successful woman and mother in her own right, and prove to the world that it can be done alone and without the assistance of anyone. Ruby didn’t trust people easily.

Whilst Ruby was fulfilling her requirements to succeed, Ruby also continued to meet all of her demanding needs of her personal life, this made Ruby feel powerful, strong and successful. To teach others this became a goal.

Once Ruby had established and achieved the dream of becoming a career woman, she believed that it could only get better; and this success can only grow bigger and stronger, Ruby would stop at nothing to get to where she wanted.

She would soon learn the reason the universe was making her so strong.

Chapter 2

Friendship, Love and Dating

Ruby has many female friends that were in the same position as herself, she enjoyed spending time with them and sharing a drink or two. Ruby loved the company she had around her and adored the people in her life.

This new feeling of being able to be with people who are in similar positions, and to be able to talk to them about anything was something she had never had before, this in turn helped her build skills and experience and learn new and innovating ideas and techniques for life in general.

Each one of Ruby’s friends were from different backgrounds and contributed something completely different to each friendship. Ruby’s friends were of similar age and also had children. They were all mostly single parents and understood the battles that had to be faced on a daily basis.
However, Ruby was always very cautious, Ruby guarded her heart (like a troll guarded a castle), Ruby found it hard to let people in and trust them, she constantly questioned what people around her really wanted from her?

Ruby found as time went by; that many people wanted her direct help, advice and support on a regular basis, this concept shocking her and finding it intriguing. Ruby could never say no and was always there to support her friends, (physically at times picking them up and putting them them back on track). Ruby went about doing this often and without question or hesitation, she never expected anything in return. Ruby felt needed and gained a sense of purpose through doing this, at times however becoming frustrating.

Ruby learned to build tolerance over time, and through many of the hard times she had faced throughout her life, she was able to power through unconditionally. Ruby gained a power within herself that would later become the backbone to her strength and the empowerment she needed to survive the devastation awaiting.

Life was continually hard and demanding, but Ruby would always thrive on this. Many people around Ruby didn’t understand this and how Ruby could be so strong. Many people unable to accept it for what it was.
Ruby saw humour in keeping people guessing, and enjoyed giving the illusion of ease and simplicity. Ruby knew however that deep down this was continually getting harder as the years went on, and she felt the sadness, anxiety and pain creeping in, she would fight it and solider into the next project. Ruby often wondered though, would anyone be there if she really needed it? or would people just think she could cope on her own?

Ruby wanted a strong love in her life. A love that felt right without question, a love that she had never felt before. That loving feeling where the world stops and your heart skips a beat. Ruby wanted that moment where it was just her and the love of her life entwined in one, and where no one else mattered. That moment when you feel you have met that person that replicates, compliments and fits you endlessly.

Rubys girlfriends were all dating regularly, and often discovering new online dating sites, (does anyone met in person nowadays?). Her friends would encourage Ruby to get out and have a go at this also, Ruby wasn’t so sure.
Each time her friends went out they hoped they would find a new and promising love affair, that would have them spinning out of control, but this very rarely happened.

Over the next following few months, they all came to realise time after time that is was hopeless and impossible to find that so called “eternal love”, the chance of meeting “the one”, Was getting thinner “was it to late?”. The chances were slim, but they held hope and kept looking, but Ruby still wasn’t so sure?

One particular night, Ruby made the decision to try this form of dating, and found herself intrigued at how this worked, she was interested in the extra complexity and pressures it put on people to impress, or to be that person that the other wanted.

Once upon a time we met people by chance and got to know them, but now (because of online) we know all about these people prior to meeting them.
Ruby carried on investigated this, as it spiked her interest, and she wanted to discover where things may lead. Ruby enjoyed her own little social experiments and took down knowledge from this, unbeknownst to Ruby this would later help her in solving the biggest decisions of her life.

Ruby did have a few conversations online, some only brief and some lasting longer. But Ruby had her rules, very strict rules when communicating (after all they must be a gentleman).

Ruby quickly learned that the conversations were always the same, and she was always asked the same questions, until the odd person would do something different and spike her direct interest.

Ruby considered giving up over time and wanted to delete this, and over time she did.
Ruby and her girlfriends craved the daily nurture of a relationship, however continually came to the conclusion that they were totally independent and enjoyed being able to do things alone.

Ruby also found she was quite frightened at the thought of meeting anyone, and became self conscious and introverted, often making excuses to not meet people, her friends would tell her off and make her go on dates, not really making the situation any better.
Ruby would hear stories on the news and became growingly more wary and frightened to meet anyone. Ruby prolonged meeting anyone for some time, thinking about this scenario over and over.

The moment arrived where Ruby laid panicking on her bed all dressed and ready to go on a date, sweating and having her anxiety rise, Ruby started to think and consider different ways and excuses to get out of attending the date. Ruby thought she may need to use these one-day, but was today that day?
This one particular date seemed to win her attention, so hesitantly she attended with her very strict rules in play, she had an exit plan if she needed it and felt confident. She would quickly take her exit and protect herself if required.

However it wasn’t to go to plan quite as expected, he was nothing like described. What a waste of time Ruby thought, why do people keep doing this?

Later that night Ruby laid in bed and started thinking about this, and as she got deeper into thought about this topic, wondered how successful it truly is.

Ruby decided to leave it be and wait for her person to walk naturally into her life and deleted her profile.

Chapter 3

A man and a teenager

As time went by, Ruby continued to live her life and find new things to do and spend time with her children. Ruby enjoyed working and taking her children on holidays, and trying to give them as may opportunities as normally possible.

In her new found freedom, Ruby found herself out one night with her friend Sally, (as she often did to relax). Ruby was feeling very comfortable with herself in this stage of her life, she was feeling better than ever before.

This particular night Ruby danced and laughed the night away with Sally, when suddenly something wonderful happened (even though Ruby didn’t know it at the time), when out of the blue she spotted a man in the distance. A man that she seemed to not be able to stop looking at, this puzzled Ruby and made her feel a way that she hadn’t before, she had the overwhelming erge to speak to him.
Ruby (with a little dutch courage), approached the man and asked “do i know you?” the man looking puzzled at the approach and unsure whether to answer? But he replied “I’m not sure”, Ruby quickly apologising and not really knowing what else to say then walked away.

Ruby was confused and found herself not being able to take her eyes off this man, he had he star struck and in a way she couldn’t understand?
The night grew longer and headed into the early hours of the morning, when suddenly the man approached Ruby and said that he was leaving. The handsome man suggested to Ruby that he would like to see her again.
Ruby immediately feeling flattered and excited immediately told Sally. Sally quickly pushed Ruby to leave and follow this man before she lost him.
However Ruby was so cautious and didn’t expect what her next move would be, and later couldn’t explain it to anyone.
Ruby and Sally continued on with their night, but as fate would have it Ruby did see this handsome again, Ruby instantly becoming overwhelmed with anxiety and fear in that moment quickly turned on her heels and left, Ruby jumped into a taxi and went home, leaving Sally sighing and unsure how to help Ruby?

Ruby woke the following morning feeling rather ordinary, but continued to ponder the events from the night before? Ruby constantly finding herself thinking about this man and wondering “Who was he?”.
“Everything happens for a reason” Ruby thought, i will meet him again if i am meant to.

Ruby went about her day and continued her daily routines with her children and maintaining her home. Ruby was very house proud and enjoyed having a clean and tidy home. Ruby would play music and dance around feeling in the best place of her life. Ruby had her mind set, her children were happy and comfortable (or so she thought). Ruby thought she had it all sorted out; she had plans, goals and was moving forward on her path.

However, after all the hard work of raising infants, toddlers and putting her children through primary school, whilst also battling life on a daily basis, she constantly hoped she was doing the best thing possible for your children.

Ruby was later to learn that no matter how good your parenting, no matter how strict or structured you are, things don’t always work out how you plan or how you want them too. You cannot account for the choices others or your children make when they are older or the people they become.

It was soon to hit Ruby (like a tonne of bricks) that the comfortable well kept life she had established quickly changed in an instant when her son Liam started high school, (it wasn’t the high school Ruby wanted her son to attend, however at that moment was the only choice she had).

Overnight (it seemed) Liam grew to become continually difficult to manage and control. He instantly became harder to talk to, and harder to get along with. Liam continually fought and argued about everything, he would push back on Ruby’s decisions and choices and appear to enjoy making her life hard. Ruby couldn’t understand why and what was triggering this behaviour?
Ruby quickly became proactive in figuring out what was going on with her child.
Besides Liam just being a teenager there had to be other reasons behind this? Ruby worked day and night to investigate any causes for the sudden change in Liam’s behaviour.
After discussing this with others, she found the same answers from people, everyone always seeming to push it off and act like Liam was just a naughty teenager, looking for attention.
But Ruby knew otherwise and in her gut she knew something else was at play and so she pressed on by herself to help her son.

Ruby was soon to discover that Liam had been mixing with a group of kids at school, who were known to be quite disruptive in the community and she later realised this negative crew were people she needed to get Liam away from.

Liam was quite a chubby boy at this time of his life and was overwhelmingly self conscious about this, through Ruby’s investigating she found that Liam was in the beginnings of being introduced to different forms of drugs and alcohol, through other children in his peer group at school. Liam was slowly being convinced by others that this would help him feel better and lose the weight that he so desperately wanted. What he wasn’t told or wasn’t taught, that these drugs would have alternate effects and become so negative in his system that he wouldn’t be able to control himself.

Liam’s behaviour continued to spiral out of control in the home and became increasing concerning.
Liam would become extremely heightened and quickly learned he could intimidate Ruby. Liam used this intimidation to power over Ruby, he would often call her names and speak to her as if he was in control and Ruby was not the parent.

Liam was still very young at this time and was clearly needing help, this just gave Ruby more strength to fight for him.
Ruby stood her ground and knew this battle had to be fought and she would not give in to him. Ruby would always ensure Liam heard her say “i love you, you are my child, I will always be here” even when he was nasty and in a fit of rage, she made sure he heard these words.

Time after time Liam would explode and (at times punch the walls), but this didn’t stop Ruby from ensuring all her family was safe and secure and kept calm.
Ruby had a way to calm Liam (although this didn’t always work and at times they argued), but it didn’t take long before Liam would turn to Ruby and say ” mum i don’t know why i say these things? or why i do these things? mum you know i never mean it?”.
It was in this very moment that Ruby realised her approach (as much as it hurt and she would cry) was the right thing to do and she wouldn’t give up, Ruby then never stopped telling Liam that she was his mum and ” i will never give up”. Their relationship grew stronger and stronger. Ruby and Liam would bump heads and argue they were both head strong and struggled at times to see each other’s points of view, but they worked at it and worked together.

Ruby decided (after Liam had broken down and pleaded for help) to get Liam some professional help. It was here that Liam received the extra guidance and support that he needed.

As time went on and incidents occurred Liam was eventually diagnosed with severe depression and Anxiety of which he was medicated and supported through many things. Liam became very active and driven to succeed and change.

This is then where Liam and Ruby’s life began to ease and become slightly better to cope with, (little did they realise that the battle wasn’t over).